Thursday, March 11, 2010

Higher Realms of Grace

Everyone has their own experiences and circumstances they must go through in life, and writers are no different. I do not wish to use this blog as a platform for sharing my chronic pain, I only wish to be real and share with you along the way some of my joys and struggles of my writing  and life journey.

I'm still recouperating from my busy time of activity with my involvement from the women's conference we just put on at my church.  At the end of the conference we were each asked to lay down a burden at "the foot of the cross". A friend asked me later what I "layed down".  My answer - my body, my pain. So many would bear a delightful exhaustion from such an event - nothing that a foot soak and a good night's sleep wouldn't help. It will take me a good couple of weeks to ease my physical exhaustion, fatigued muscles, and swollen and painful joints. My condition is complex (fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, benign joint hypermobility). My daily naps have consisted of 6 hours one day, 4 hours the rest, and my pain level is soaring. It's a price I seem to pay for doing some things that I enjoy. The spirit is willing but the flesh is so weak. My energy and ability waxes and wanes.  Oh, but the joy in my heart helps me bear it. Bear it in the vessel that was appointed to me - one that need not be crushed, but that needs to learn to bend.

This burden of mine few understand, but when I read my Streams in the Dessert tonight I saw that one Miss Mary Butterfield did. I do not know who this Miss Butterfield was, as I could not find any information on her, but her heart speaks to me - ministers to me - through the words she wrote long ago . . . " Our burdens are our wings; on them We soar to higher realms of grace."

"Look from the top" (Song of Solomon 4:8).

Crushing weights give the Christian wings. It seems like a contradiction in terms, but it is a blessed truth. David out of some bitter experience cried: "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! Then would I fly away, and be at rest" (Ps. 55:6). But before he finished this meditation he seems to have realized that his wish for wings was a realizable one. For he says, "Cast thy burden upon Jehovah, and he will sustain thee."

The word "burden" is translated in the Bible margin, "what he (Jehovah) hath given thee." The saints' burdens are God-given; they lead him to "wait upon Jehovah," and when that is done, in the magic of trust, the "burden" is metamorphosed into a pair of wings, and the weighted one "mounts up with wings as eagles. --Sunday School Times

One day when walking down the street,
On business bent, while thinking hard
About the "hundred cares" which seemed
Like thunder clouds about to break
In torrents, Self-pity said to me:
"You poor, poor thing, you have too much
To do. Your life is far too hard.
This heavy load will crush you soon."
A swift response of
Welled up within. The burning sun
Seemed more intense. The dust and noise
Of puffing motors flying past
With rasping blast of blowing horn
Incensed still more the whining nerves,
The fabled last back-breaking straw
To weary, troubled, fretting mind.
"Ah, yes, 'twill break and crush my life;

I cannot bear this constant strain
Of endless, aggravating cares;
They are too great for such as I."
So thus my heart condoled itself,
"Enjoying misery," when lo!
A "still small voice" distinctly said,
"Twas sent to lift you--not to crush."
I saw at once my great mistake.
My place was not beneath the load
But on the top! God meant it not
That I should carry it. He sent
It here to carry me. Full well
He knew my incapacity
Before the plan was made. He saw
A child of His in need of grace
And power to serve; a puny twig
Requiring sun and rain to grow;
An undeveloped chrysalis;
A weak soul lacking faith in God.
He could not help but see all this
And more. And then, with tender thought
He placed it where it had to grow--
Or die. To lie and cringe beneath
One's load means death, but life and power
Await all those who dare to rise above.
Our burdens are our wings; on them
We soar to higher realms of grace;

Without them we must roam for aye
On planes of undeveloped faith,
(For faith grows but by exercise in circumstance impossible).

Oh, paradox of Heaven. The load
We think will crush was sent to lift us
Up to God! Then, soul of mine,
Climb up! for naught can e'er be crushed
Save what is underneath the weight.
How may we climb! By what ascent
Shall we surmount the carping cares
Of life! Within His word is found
The key which opes His secret stairs;
Alone with Christ, secluded there,
We mount our loads, and rest in Him.

--Miss Mary Butterfield

How have your burdens impacted your writing?


  1. My mother suffers from Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I understand your pain and suffering, Carla, and I will pray for your pain to lessen soon. :-)

  2. Carla, You've really been on my mind and heart. I pray God's grace is magnified for you in many ways right now and we can encourage you as you've encouraged us through this blog. You are such a wonderful friend!

  3. I did not realize that you suffered like this. I admire you for your endurance and strength. I'm sure you could teach me a thing or two.

  4. Praying for you, Carla.


  5. Praying for you. Pain is not an easy thing to live with.

  6. Oh Carla, I'll be praying for you too. Have you read "God's Gift" by Dee Henderson? It was pubished in 1998, but still available to buy and most likely in your public library. One of the main characters in it suffers with fibromyalgia-like symptoms and it's the best description of what that feels like that I've ever read. I wept in places because it was so validating. It's a wonderful, deep, heartfelt love story as well.

  7. Carla, this is a beautiful poem. I'm praying for a speedy recovery.



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